Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
