I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
