After last night, I could never be a politician.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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