I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
