Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
