Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
