Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
