is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Randomize
