Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
