i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
