I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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