Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
