I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
