i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
