i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
