im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wish my penis had a tongue
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
