just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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