Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
