Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
