I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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