don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
