And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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