I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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