I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
