My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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