I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
