Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
