If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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