she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
