he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
