I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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