Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
