THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
