i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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