Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
