Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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