The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
