Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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