You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
