her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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