Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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