I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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