He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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