Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
