I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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