Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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