My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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