VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
