Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
