i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Less talking, more tequila
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize