yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
