i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
