Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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