Im at strip club and am horny
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
