tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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