i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
