____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
