Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
