the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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