Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
