May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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