I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
