we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How external is "for external use only"?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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