You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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