OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
