Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
