fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
