I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
