i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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