Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
