I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm both gender and math confused
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
