i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
