I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Well I just put wine in my tea
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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