I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
