tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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